Kartikeya

Aion Online Review Thing

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 20:16:07 GMT

I gave the open beta a try when it rolled around. Admittedly that's a pretty short trial period for an MMO, and I was not actually paying attention to the community at all (I was there to take a look at how the game played and such), but I'm afraid I wasn't too impressed and I came up with a few issues that sort've turned me off. (I reached, for reference, level 11 as an Asmodian)

The Good:

- The lore and the setting intrigued me. All dude, you fail astronomy forever aside (it's fantasy after all), it was a pretty unique setup that I'd never seen before, the two playable sides are rather unchangably set against each other for a very convincing reason, neither side is set as being entirely right or wrong (except the Balaur, natch), the world design struck me as pretty neat, and overall it was a place I'd be interested in both playing and roleplaying in.

- The character models were very customizable, except for a few annoying nitpicks (more on that below). You can be very tall or very short or anything in-between, there are tons and tons and tons of hairstyle choices, a decent number of preset face options, all of which are mostly customizable, lots of skin, hair, and eye color choices, and even voice set choices, which are pretty nice for an MMO.

- Animation seemed pretty smooth, weapon models were nice (I liked how, if you're dual wielding, the weapons show up on your back instead of your side), there's the ability to switch between two different weapon loadouts, which I didn't get far enough to find use for, but which I imagine ends up being very nice, flying animation seems pretty good, and you ran into weird combinations of animals among the fauna, such as a hog crossed with a bulldog, or a squirrelbunny thing, and so on.

- Quests were interesting, and even the fetch quests didn't really bore me, and I felt motivated to keep playing for a while to see what happened next. The whole becoming a Daeva thing seemed a little abrupt, but still felt nice.

- There doesn't seem to be a horrendous penalty for dying, at least a low levels. You pop back to your bind spot, you've lost some armor integrity, which you can repair, and you have a timed debuff, which you can pay to get rid of if you're in a hurry, and you're at low life, which you can heal up. You can be rezzed of course if someone is nearby with that ability.

- The environment looks really good, and there were lots of little touches, like giant flying beasts, or airships, or big old blue animals in lakes, that added to the atmosphere. At least on the Asmodian side, the place looked distinctly alien, so that was great.

The Bad:

- Health seems to regenerate extraordinarily slowly, even if you're using food items to speed it up. As you lose health quite a bit during combat, this results in either constant use of bandages (which are not unlimited, and you have to buy more), or a lot of sitting around and waiting. It's not nearly as bad as EQ1, but it's noticeably slower than most other games I've played.

- Combat looks good, but it seemed rather irritatingly random on how well you did (I understand some folks like this, so this is more a personal nitpick than anything). Using the same weapons, abilities, and cast order on the same mob of the same level could have wildly different outcomes, ranging from barely being scratched to near-death to having to use a potion to stay alive. See health regen rates above, and you can probably see why this annoyed me.

- Design comment: While the 'light' side of the world was lighter, and the 'dark' side darker, the differences didn't seem quite as striking as you'd expect from the lore writeups. There were times I was running around Asmodae and it was pretty sunny, which didn't seem to fit with what the lore was going for.

- Tutorials. There are tutorials that pop up for all sorts of basic MMO things, such as basic combat and inventory management, which is good. However, a lot of the Aion specific things seemed strangely absent. Chain attacks for instance, unless I missed it. Which leads into:

- Class selection. At level 10, you're expected to choose your final class. Prior to that, you're a basic archetype (warrior, mage, scout, etc.) Most games that do classes this way do it because they want that feel of being eased into your final class, that you've gone and specialized after proving yourself out in the world, that sort've thing. Aion lacks any sort of 'easing into' when it comes to final class selection. You hit level 10, and abruptly you're asked to choose what class you want, without any option to decline the choice until later, and with only short blurbs to tell you what your options were. While I had a lot of problems with EQ2's initial release, they did this system pretty well--you had a decent idea of what each class was going to be like by the time you made your choice, the NPCs gave you quests that acted as an overview of each option, and you had plenty of time to know that the final decision was coming. Aion tends to toss you into the deep end without much instruction, and the real problem with this that I foresee is that it is no small amount of time to get to level 10. If you're unhappy with your choice, insofar as I know, there's no option to switch later, which means that if you end up not liking your class, or making a mistake (the choice windows are a bit fuzzy on when you're actually making the final decision) your only option is to reroll, level to 10 again, and pick again. Adding to the abruptness is that your combat style might change entirely depending on your choice. For instance, I went with scout, and your options are either assassin or ranger. If you go ranger, your combat style switches to focusing heavily on bows--when up until that point, you have never even used a bow before.

- Flying. It might be surprising to find flying down here on the 'bad' writeup, but let me word for word quote a game design professor of mine: Let them keep their fucking toys. What he meant by this was, if you're going to give something to the player, give it to them. Don't hem and haw over it, don't give it to them and then yank it away later, don't half give it to them and then half not. For all that flying was pumped up for Aion, it seems really marginal when you finally get it. For instance, while I understand the reason for the timer, and while I'm sure this timer gets longer as you level and do quests, putting a timer on flying really seemed to put a damper on what was otherwise pretty fun. You aren't allowed to enjoy it, really, because you only have about thirty seconds or so before you have to land, and even at longer lengths, you'll still be keeping an eye on that timer and avoiding frivolous playing around if you're trying to do something. The other problem with flying is that, for a game that again really pumped up the flying aspect, there seem to be an awful lot of 'no fly' areas. In fact, at the level I reached, there was only one area where I COULD fly--around the fortress and outside around the lake. The entire newbie area? Nope. The big city where you get this power? Nope. The giant forest beyond the lake? Nope. To which I say, if you're going to design a game in which flying is a big feature, design it in such a way so that your players can actually fly where they want to fly, when they want to fly, and for how long they want to fly. City of Heroes did this very well years and years ago, so it's not even close to impossible.

- It may have just been my system, but the graphics engine seemed really shaky and unreliable. The game looks good, but the graphics aren't so incredible that this kind've slowdown on my system makes too much sense. It got very laggy at times, though happily there's the option to turn off other players rendering, so that helped.

- Character customization is so extensive, and yet female Asmodians are stuck with this really bizarre permanent, natural high-heel. You kind've have to see it to understand, but it was really weird, kind've annoying, and rather silly.

- At level 11, I could tell the quests were starting to thin out quite a bit. I foresaw much level grinding in the future.

Anyway, those were my thoughts and nitpicks while playing. For those folks enjoying Aion, I hope you continue to enjoy it!

Posting it here too.

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 02:12:13 GMT

I get obsessive about really weird things.

Army guy: Run! Run guy who is not actually named Spike in this movie! The fate of the whole world depends on you! Run while we valiantly maybe sacrifice ourselves!

Guy who is not actually named Spike: *starts to run*

Love interest: Guy who is not actually named Spike, wait! You must first stand here and let me tell you my feelings, as is necessary at the climax of the movie when things are blowing up!

Guy who is not actually named Spike: Sure, okay.

The rest of the movie: *stands still*

Things: *stop blowing up*

Everyone in the audience: *stops paying attention*

Girl: *heartfelt and cheesy Confession of Lurve*

Guy who is not actually named Spike: Right, okay, subplot taken care of. *RUNS*

Things: *BLOW UP A LOT AGAIN*

Everyone in the audience: *Starts paying attention once more*

Guy who we're just going to call Spike anyway: Aaaaaaaaah! *runs a lot*

Buildings: *blow up*

Cars: *Blow up. And fly.*

Occasional robot: *Blows up*

People: *may or may not blow up*

Technology in general: *randomly turns into robots, so that it can also blow up*.

Army guys: We are really, really screwed.

One army guy: Quick, point your penlight at it!

Fighter planes: *Zoom in*

One army guy: Keep pointing!

Decepticon: RAH!

Fighter planes: *Zoom!*

Decepticon: RAAH!

Army guys: *blow up kinda*

One army guy: Well shit.

One army guy: *jumps on a motorcycle and drives under the Decepticon and shoots him and stuff in uncomfortable places and jumps off of the motorcycle so that it too can blow up*

Decepticon: *blows up*

Fighter planes: We were GETTING THERE EVENTUALLY, dammit!

Fighter plane: *turns into Starscream, blows up a few planes*

Fighter planes: DAMMIT!

Megatron: I spy, with my big giant eye, a guy who is not actually named Spike!

Spike: AAAH!

Megatron: CUBE MINE!

Spike: *Runs into a cathedral or something with statues*

Spike: Get to the top, get to the top, get to the top...!

Megatron: I could just fly like before.

Writers: No no, go in there! Smash!

Megatron: No really, I could just fly right up to the top like I just did five seconds ago and totally, totally beat him there.

Writers: SMASH SMASH!

Megatron: But...

Writers: MAXIMUM PROPERTY DAMAGE, GO!

Megatron: *sigh*

Spike: *is still running up stairs*

Megatron: RAAR! *smashes through, like, the entire freaking building*

The entire freaking building: *Does not collapse for some reason*

Spike: AAAAAAAAH!

Megatron: *smashsmashsmash*

Spike: The top of the building, yay! Flare! FLARES WORK FLARES GO GO GO.

Helicopters appear, and lower themselves...sloooowly toward Spike.

Megatron: You know I could have GOT HIM if you hadn't insisted on this!

Writers: *look the other way, whistle*

Spike: Take it, take it, take it! *holds out the cube*

Helicopter guy: *reaches!*

Spike: *holds out the cube!*

Helicopter guy: *reaches!*

Spike: *holdsoutthecubeSOCLOSE!*

Starscream: *Shows up and blows up the helicopters*

Helicopters: DAMMIT why do we keep forgetting about the FLYING ONES?

No one in the audience: *is surprised*

Spike: Well that was an even stupider plan than taking this fight into the city.

Megatron: RAAR!

Spike: *clings to a partly broken statue and wibbles*

Megatron: You can like, surrender the cube or the allspark or whatever to me, and maybe possibly but probably not live to see my badass self rule the world, or like, don't, and die and stuff and I'll take it anyway.

Spike: DO NOT WANT

Megatron: Meh, whatever *smashes the entire top of the building instead of, like, grabbing Spike and taking the cube*

Spike: AAHHHHH! *falls*

Megatron: No worries, I'll just pluck the cube from his remains, I'm sure there isn't an Auto-bot waiting to catch him or that this decision isn't going to come back to bite me in the ass in five seconds.

Prime: *catches Spike*

Megatron: DAMMIT!

Prime: Spike! If I lose, you've got to push the cube into my chest or something and that will kill me or something, but it will ALSO destroy the cube, so it's noble!

Everyone in the audience: Wait, why not just push the cube into Megatron's chest then?

Spike: Wouldn't this be easier if I just did it now? You know, when you're holding me and I can actually reach your chest?

Prime: Stand back! More things must blow up first!

Spike: I'm sure I can manage this without screwing up!

Megatron and Prime: *Smash each other a lot and more stuff blows up and they fall through a few buildings or something*

Spike: AHHH! *runs between them, because he's retarded*

Megatron: Gimme!

Prime: Not so fast grabby hands!

Megatron: *smashes Prime a lot*

Prime: ...Oops. Spike, fast! Push the cube into my chest!

Spike: But...

Prime: DO IT!

Megatron: Yeah, I'll just be over here.

Spike: *pushes the cube into Megatron's chest*

Megatron: Wha--HEY!

Everyone in the audience: OMGWTF Spike did something RIGHT?

Prime: No! ...Or wait, yeah, I guess you could do that instead, that works.

Megatron: *dies*

Prime: I'm going to stand here and look mournful at you...Brother.

Everyone in the audience: *yawns*

Autobots: Um, so, we're all okay! Mostly. Except the black g--Jazz.

Ratchet: *holds up a half-Jazz in each hand* I couldn't put him back together.

Prime: Well way to go, Humpty Dumpty, what use were you again?

Bumblebee: Hey, by the way, I can talk now.

Everyone in the audience: That's his VOICE?

Bumblebee: I totally propose we stay with Spike and the love-interest.

Prime: ...

All the Autobots: ...

Jazz pieces: ...

Bumblebee: ...So we'll be available for the sequel?

Prime: Remind me why we wanted you to talk again?

Epilogue

Government guys: We're dropping robot bits into this trench in the ocean, where they'll totally be destroyed and surely not come back to life or anything.

Other government guys: Yay, polution! Also secret government agency full of fuckwits, you are so fired.

Government guys: We're also totally going to try and cover this whole incident up.

Everyone in New York and half the Western Hemisphere: Well, we certainly didn't notice anything unusual or out of the ordinary.

Spike and love interest: *make out a lot*

Autobots: *watch Spike and love interest make out on Bumblebee--err, have meaningful dialogue about the future yet to come, yes.

Spike's parents: *Really suck at lying, or are just really, really dim.*

Credits: *Roll!*

Actually...

Wed, 19 Sep 2007 04:38:54 GMT

You know what? I'm just going to immortalize the crazy. There's only so much time before the thread gets locked, and it deserves a spot.

The Crazy can be found here. Just look for the eye-bleeding red text. Fun even if you don't know a damned thing about EQ2!

Harry Potter/Fandom_Wank Lulz

Sun, 12 Aug 2007 11:01:11 GMT

So I've gathered a small mini collection of quotes from my time browsing Fandom Wank's massive Deathly Hallows thread, and I've just gotta post them, because they amuse me.

In regards to mighty wank about misunderstood Snape:

BECAUSE I LOVE SNAPE THE BESTEST AND THE BOOK SHOULD HAVE BEEN CALLED "THE REDEMPTION OF SEVERUS SNAPE IS FINALLY NOTICED BY THAT FUCKTARD HARRY POTTER" AND LEFT OUT ALL THAT BORING CRAP ABOUT HARRY DOING DUMB STUFF.

Actually, let's rename all the books!

Book 1: "Severus Snape Meets That Fucking Asshole, Harry Potter"

Book 2: "Severus Snape Hates Harry Potter For Ruining His Life By Being Born"

Book 3: "Severus Snape Hates Sirius Black And Remus Lupin Even More Than Harry Potter
Because Inside He's A Twelve Year Old Boy"

Book 4: "Severus Snape Was Only A Death Eater Because He Knew Someday Harry Potter Would Be Born and That Made Him Crazy With Hate"

Book 5: "Severus Snape Is Bad Because Harry Potter's Parents Made Him That Way"

Book 6: "Severus Snape Is A Cruel Jerk But He's Kind of Good On The Inside And Harry Potter Is An Asshole For Thinking He Killed Dumbledore"

In regards to Neville and Neville's grandmother:

He's an under-respected teen wizard with a thing for plants
She's a stubborn old biddy with a vulture on her hat
Together: They kick the Dark Lord's ass

On the epilogue:

And then the final line kind of summed up the point of the epilogue: All was well. (Although if it had been "H/G and R/Hr, neener neener," I would have cracked up. :D)

On people who are Too Important to read Harry Potter but which still comment on Harry Potter forums:

Ah, yes. "Have fun reading your children's books, plebeians. I shall be off reading a Very Important Serious Book About Serious Things while I sip my grown-up wine of More Intellectual Than You."

Ugh (Pedophilia rant. You have been warned)

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 11:08:34 GMT

So in my bleary, late night surfing, I happened to end up following a series of links to this website. And while I found myself rather disturbed with all the 'shoot him grar death murder' posts (because, as much as I may share that sentiment, I see similar things in arguments about whether the US government can detain someone because they MIGHT be a terrorist--it's just not a cool slope to go sailing down), what really pissed me off was the following posts:

Sir, you have set up a web site that has the sole purpose to post hate,
vitriol, and death threats against a man who did NOTHING. That's why I
responded to you so harshly, because you deserved it, you earned it.

You use the banner of "innocence" to treat children like animals, like
little sexless robots. YOU are wrong, and YOU are part of the mechanism
that exists only to hurt children.

Pedophiles have ALWAYS existed to protect children, to allow children
their rights to be sexual. Today we are ever more important as children
live in a state of constant fear and anxiety forced upon them by
anti-sexual fascists. You don't love children, you fear them.

I will NOT leave children alone, I will take every opportunity I get to
educated children as their sexual rights. Rather, I must as YOU to quit
hurting children, it is your ideology that hurts them.

and

You, sir, are obviously ill-educated as to the history and culture of
pedophiles. Listen, if you want answers from me you're going to have to
come up to my level, 'cause I will not stoop to yours. You can start by
posting these questions on my blog where I will answer them
forthrightly, and where the pedophile community will no doubt respond to
you in like. If you want sincere, honest discourse on what makes
pedophile tick, you're going to have, at least, meet me half way; hint,
running a website that exists to harass and post death threats (I hope
you have lawyer) against an innocent man is NOT a good start.

What the bloody FUCK, people? Pedophiles exist to HELP children? History and culture of pedophiles? I know this fucking stupid 'child love' shit isn't precisely new to the intarwebs (though I've only recently begun to run into it), but it's the stupidest fucking shit I've ever seen, and I've seen a LOT of stupid fucking shit. The self entitlement, the poor, poor woe is me pedo martyrs, the attempts to compare this as nothing any different than homosexuality, the pride in wanting to fuck children and screw up their entire fucking lives and pass this off as some sort of fluffy bunnies and rainbows thing that YOU ARE DOING FOR THE CHILDREN'S BENEFIT? Are you fucking retarded? Do you think we're fucking retarded? What are you smoking, and is is acid eating through your brain the only way you can rationalize this shit to yourselves?

Let's get something straight. It doesn't fucking matter if you are heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, metrosexual, or a fucking pedophile, NOTHING is FORCING you to act on your impulses. You have free will, and if you use your free will to do something that will scar someone else for their entire fucking lives because that happens to be what gives you your jollies, you are not in any way, shape, or form showing love, you are being a SELFISH FUCKING PREDATOR. Are we going to have 'forced love' communities now, talking about the culture and history of rapists and how they are somehow protecting their victims? What about murder pride demonstrations?

Good lord, I didn't think it was possible for such things to piss me off more, but acting like you're somehow doing some great, wonderful, altruistic thing by whipping out your molestation skills on someone, ANYONE, but especially a CHILD, is the utter fucking limit. Here's to karma running you over with a fucking school bus.

Edit: Oh yeah, and FUCK YOU too, FOX, for letting the man on the air in the first place. What the hell is your disfunction?

Apartment Fires are fun for everyone

Mon, 16 Apr 2007 11:59:51 GMT

Waking up at 4:30 in the morning to my roommate yelping about how yes, that really annoying noise IS the fire alarm and that really awful smell IS smoke, and I should get out of bed like NOW, is...not really the best way to start the day.

Uggggghhh.

At least I know the alarm now goes off for actual smoke and not just whenever I try to cook pancakes.

Edit: I present the following very accurate dramatization:

Me: Zzzzzz.

Really weird noise: Goes off. And keeps going.

Me: Zzzzzzz (that is the most annoying noise ever and I'm going to kill someone.)

Really weird smell: Is smelled.

Me: Zzzzzz (and that is an awful smell)

Really weird noise & really weird smell: *do not go away*

Me: Zzzz (Go away!)

Really weird noise & really weird smell: *do not go away*

Me: Zzzz (Go away!)

Really weird noise & really weird smell: *do not go away*

Me: Zzzz (Go away!)

Really weird noise & really weird smell: *do not go away*

Roommate: OMGWTFFIRE!

Me: Huwha?

Rommate: FIRE

Me: ...

Roommate: SMOKE

Me: ....

Roommate: GET UP FIRE SMOKE NOW

Me: ....OH SHIT.

Point and laugh

Wed, 11 Apr 2007 07:45:46 GMT

So it occurred to me today, as I was browsing the Vanguard forums in a fit of late night boredom, the real reason that game's problems don't really bother me one whit. In fact, it dawned on me that I'm taking something of a perverse pleasure in how poorly it's going so far. Don't get me wrong, I'd love for the game to gets all it's frigging bugs and performance issues sorted, fix their content, and generally turn things around. I'd love to enjoy that game as much as I enjoy any other game. But the fact that it's not doing so hot right now gives me a mean little hahaha all the same.

Why? It isn't the Vanguard team. Poor guys are trying, they really are, and I wouldn't want to be in their shoes right now. No, no, not the team. It's not Brad either, though 30 million dollars and five years in production do make my eyebrows raise to my hairline given how unfinished the project is. No, it's entirely one single thing that has nothing to do with the guys that are running the show.

It's the community.

Oh yeah, yeah, I keep ranting on about these guys, but they truly are amazing in their ability to emulate a large, green skinned creature with warts and bad body odor. A year ago they were all over the EQ2 forums being their retarded troll selves, swearing up and down that Vanguard would be the death of EQ2, and WoW, and every other MMO ever, and it would be so hardcore that only the REALLY hardcore folks could master it, and their e-peens would grow three sizes too ~~small~~ large, and there would be peace on earth, good games to man.

Now it's like watching some perverse comedy of Jekyll and Hyde, where if the trolls aren't screaming and crying at Brad and Co. about how they have betrayed the Vision(tm), are selling out, and have been the sole contributors to global warming, they're still screaming at other forum posters to go back to World of Warcraft because they can't HANDLE a game like Vanguard, often in the same thread, often from the same posters. Through it all they are completely and utterly convinced that their desires for a truly harcore (read: tedious and masochistic) game are what the majority of players want. It's like they're all plugging their ears and screaming LA LA LA CAN'T HEAR YOU in chorus.

There's also revisionist history like you wouldn't believe. The Vision(tm) is held up on a majestic pedestal, the old days of EQ1 pre-SOE were perfect, with no bugs, ridiculous class balancing issues, horrific customer relations, or other such nonsense, and Brad is some kind of god-on-earth...when he's not simultaneously being crucified, of course.

And I laugh. Oh I laugh. They're still over there claiming that Vanguard will kill EQ2 (though they seem to have given up on the delusion that it will massacre WoW), that EQ2 is the worst game ever and no one ever plays it (Yeah, I know all of you guys play WoW, HUSH), and that a 'hardcore' game will somehow validate their existence, the exact same drivel they've been saying since long before the game was in any kind of open beta.

So I can't find myself upset over the way the game is progressing, because it has at the very least managed to corral all of these morons into one place, away from me, and they are currently too busy making EACH OTHER miserable to wander back to the forums of ye olde hated MMO's and troll there. So sure, I'd like for Vanguard to succeed and be a truly great game eventually...but if all it succeeds in doing is slogging along for years, carrying these people along with it? That is a success of a different kind, but a success all the same.

And I'll have lots of quotes for my moron collection.

MMO Rant - Teh Secksie Armors

Sat, 24 Mar 2007 11:41:05 GMT

Okay, okay, okay. I've got to ask. Do forum regulars all congregate somewhere else? Is there a mailing list that gets sent out once a month, telling them the new stupid topic to post?

This particular one always starts like so. First, some moron posts a whine that boils down to (or in some cases is this verbatim): "Amg, teh armors in [insert your MMO here] need to be more secksie!"

This is followed by several people going "right on!" as though they haven't just read this topic last week. This is followed by at least one post of the ultra-feminist crowd, admonishing the previous posters for wanting to exploit women. Some of the previous posters return to refute the naysayer(s) with the standard argument: "It's fantasy, lolz, so reality doesn't apply!"

This will go on for five million pages.

Okay. Look. Dumbasses. First of all? Choice is grand. If some woman (or guy as woman) wants to go around wearing nothing but a bikini in their digital world, fine, whatever. Go wild. This is why MMO's have social clothing (and as an aside, at least on EQ2, the female versions of social clothing have lots of lovely bare leg/midriff action already). I don't care. I may point and laugh at you if you choose some particularly hideous piece, but I really don't care.

However? I do NOT want to wear it. Generally because my character wouldn't be caught dead in a dress, let alone something that only barely covers the crotch and the nipples, and because I find that, while that works for social clothing, it's really, really, really, really STUPID, fantasy or no, for it to be armor. No, seriously. STUPID. SUICIDAL. So yeah, wear it, fine. But I don't want to.

Oh! comes the inevitable response. But you don't HAVE to wear it. No I don't, munchkin. That is, unless they make it actual armor. Game devs are usually too lazy to make more than one set of same-stat armor, which means at some time, at some point, I'd have to make the choice between wearing a washcloth or gimping myself in combat. And that's annoying. Really annoying.

On the other side of the fence, YOU, ultra-feminist...pull the stick out from betwixt yon ass cheeks. This is not your sociology class. This is a game. These are not evil horny men that only want to keep women in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant, these are horny teenagers/young adults and the occasional female gamer. No one cares about your giant essay about how soandso author wrote a series of fantasy books just to demean women. And everyone will hate you when the retards responding to your post quote the ENTIRE DAMN TEN PAGES YOU WROTE.

Everyone's entitled to their opinion, of course. But frankly, I'd prefer the art devs do something a bit more important than cutting holes in armor and dresses, like, I don't know, FIXING the horrible, horrible character models in Vanguard (and tails. For the love of all that is GOOD and TIME WASTING, TAILS), or doing something about my character's terrifying Soga knees and pencil neck in EQ2.

So, to sum up. To the horny men and female gamers that insist that anyone not wanting to wear a thong is an ultra conservative religious nut: Shut up. At least I can respect the guys that are honest about wanting to look at mostly naked women all day, but seriously. Shut up. Not wanting to wear stupid looking crap doesn't mean I'm an ultra conservative religious nut, it means I don't want to wear stupid looking crap.

To the ultra-feminist in every single one of these threads: Shut up. Please take that passionate energy and put it toward something that actually MAKES A DIFFERENCE. Protests. Activism. Charities. SOMETHING.

To the art devs that are always smart enough to avoid these threads like the plague: Tails. NOW.

To the guy who always starts these threads: Stop spelling it 'secksie'. It makes me want to kill you.

Daily Roughs

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 03:49:02 GMT

Roughs for today:

and

Game Reviews: Fable

Sat, 10 Mar 2007 22:35:03 GMT

As you probably all know, I am without a video card at the moment, and as a result, super, super bored. So, I'm basically writing shit for the sake of writing shit. Heeere we go.

Fable

Once upon a time in the land of Microsoft, someone had an idea for a revolutionary game, a game in which your actions truly influenced the lands you played in, where your character could age, where you could be either a terrible villain or the ultimate hero, and where you could marry at least one girl in every city.

That someone was apparently downsized halfway through production.

What we got was Fable, a fairly mindless, temporarily entertaining game with elements of the original vision tossed haphazardly here and there and not actually finished.

Don't get me wrong. Fable is good enough for a single run-through, but the half assed features, abandoned plot threads, and generally unfinished feeling of the game leave it pretty well and truly lacking. While in production this game was hailed as the one that would match and completely surpass Morrowind as the then king of do what you want, the world is your sandbox, living breathing world games, but alas, that was not to be.

The plot is fairly basic, with no real actual surprises. You begin as a callow youth in a postcard perfect village that serves as the game's most basic tutorial, sent off by your father to earn some money in order to buy your sister a birthday present. Soon enough things take a horrible turn as bandits raid your village, kill your father, presumably your mother, and make off with your sister. A guy with giant shoulders and glowing tattoos whose name I can't remember and will therefore be referred to as Mr. McNotavillain comes along and takes you off to the Adventuring School, where apparently they don't care whether you're an angel come down to earth or the devil himself so long as you do their quests. They also let you room with a girl (hurr hurr), probably because this girl is such a bitch no one would ever want to get close enough to her to try anything indecent.

You progress through more tutorial quests, learning things such as sword fighting, archery, magic, and that bitchgirl's brother is the BIGGEST, MOST MIS-PROPORTIONATE MAN IN EXISTENCE, and he gives Mr. McNotavillain shoulder envy. Eventually you graduate, and you are now free to move out into the world and be your own adventurer.

Right?

Uh...sorta.

All your quests come from the academy place, and while a few of the initial ones do have some choices (namely, which side of the quest you're going to be fighting on), most of them don't, and you have to complete them in a specific order, or the game's plot will not progress. On the quests where you get a choice, bitchgirl is almost always opposing you. Beat her, and she'll whine a lot.

There are several side quests that will pop up here and there, namely a fight club of sorts with increasingly aggravating 'bosses', and a few from a woman named Lady Grey who we shall heretofore refer to as Lady McNotevil. You can romance her, though the only reason for doing so is that she has a nice sword in her house, and unfortunately, you can't kill her, even when you find out that she murdered her sister (in fact, there is NOTHING you can do with this information. Nothing at all. It's the most aggravating abandoned plot thread in the game). While attempting to romance her, you end up having to fight bitchgirl's giant brother, and you find yourself wondering why in the world ANYONE would actually be in love with Lady McNotevil. Maybe Thunder just wants that sword himself.

The most entertaining part of the plot is when you get to the Arena, a series of increasingly nasty fights against bigger and nastier monsters, the last few involving teamwork with bitchgirl, and the very last being a forced combat between yourself and bitchgirl at the behest of the arena's controller, Jack NoI'mreallynotevil of Blades, who needs a much better costumer. You can kill her here if you want, when she reminds you of all the happyfun times you've had together, and the true bond you formed when she was being a total bitch to you. Some people will kinda sorta almost care. Maybe.

The reason to play Fable isn't the plot though. It's utterly predictable, with very few unusual turns or things you didn't see coming from the very beginning. No, the REAL reason to play Fable is to do things like get a shopkeeper drunk so you can steal all his items and then sell them back to him, over and over, marry a girl in every single village, and commit mass murder in order to buy that NPC house that looks better than your house. When you're bored with that, well, there really isn't much else to do, especially given you will have no more quests once the main quest finishes up.

All in all, this game's good for a mindless weekend romp, but not really much to write home about. It's fun to make fun of though.

Shoving glass under my fingernails is entertainment!

Sun, 04 Mar 2007 02:10:54 GMT

Apparently, I must have missed a memo somewhere along the line, in which it was explained to me just why incredible frustration = a good game. At some point in the past, clearly, the laws of the universe shifted and suddenly, the nastier the penalties, the stupider the restrictions, the larger the frustration all combined to make The Only Criteria By Which Games Can Be Measured.

I think this was about the same time the term e-peen was coined.

I'm going to say something that's probably very unpopular. Ready? Okay.

Severe death penalties are a detriment to MMORPG gameplay.

That's right. I said it. And I'll say it again. Severe death penalties in MMORPGs are STUPID.

Listening folks?

Corpse retrieval is annoying.

Losing half a level to a death is ridiculous.

Perma-death is so stupid that they haven't even invented a word for how stupid it is yet.

Look, I'd like to think I'm fairly semi-tolerant of other people's playstyles. You wanna RP? Rock. You wanna raid all the time? Have fun. You wanna do nothing but see how many ducks you can fit into your house before you crash the game? Sure. But seriously people. When you post things like the following:

I have been saying for years what they need are single death encounters. Things like you enter the instance, and if you die in there you can't continue, period. You have to go back to the entrance and completely start over. Ideally, such a game would also include randomized elements, so the players wouldn't know hat exactly to expect the next time around.

and

That's the most ambitious I've seen. But, apparently the surveys at the time discovered it was 'too ambitious' and players would not have liked it and the game would have failed, and it was shelved. I'd agree that at the time it was true, but these days, who knows. Super dangerous travel and the threat of perma losing your character if you were wandering through the wilderness and got wounded and slowly bled to death because help didn't come along may be something that would appeal to peeps.

That does not appeal to anyone. No. Seriously. Not even the jokers that post this stupid crap. Stop acting shocked that the slightly saner gamer populace would NOT find something like that in the slightest bit entertaining.

You know what my fondest memories of EQ1 were? It sure as hell wasn't the 8-hour corpse recoveries. It was doing things like forming an all ranger group in Sebilis and having it WORK. It was charging the insanely high level monster with a bunch of buddies even though you were doomed to die in one hit. It was stepping outside of the box. It was trying stupid shit for the sheer joy of trying it.

Guess what? If you make it so everyone is afraid to do anything but grind the same blue con monsters in the same relatively safe area throughout their entire gaming experience, that's not exciting. If you make it so one wrong move by some idiot causes you to lose two weeks of experience in a single blow and spend hours trying to recover your body, THAT'S NOT FUN. And if you make a game full of these stupid little game mechanics, such as perma death, 8 hour travel times, and etcetera, it doesn't matter HOW good the rest of your game is, NO ONE IS GOING TO WANT TO PLAY IT. Not even you.

Game companies kinda sorta know that. They're not going to do put all that stuff in no matter how much you whine, so kindly do the rest of us a favor and stfu 'kay?

And more Vanguard!

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 22:58:13 GMT

I'm sorry. There is nothing I can write that is funnier than this. You don't have to play Vanguard either. Just...just read it.

From here

Let's beat a dead horse some more. Those who are favoring this 2x exp weekend obviously does not understand the situation from a hardcore gamer's point of view. Why were we attracted to this game and have quit other games? It's because we enjoyed EQ1 and the difficulty it possessed. Casual players look at gaming as if it was just some sort of regular entertainment where people shouldn't get fired up on something that is virtual. Hardcore players look at gaming as if it was a competition, going that extra mile to keep yourself ahead of the game. So yea, there are differences in perspective.

So now we have 2 different perspectives, now lets take 2 different situations. Lets say you're trying to enter a prestigious school and you spend HOURS of your life hitting the books. You stop going out to parties and minimize your social life because you really want to make it into this school. This school is competitive, you know that if you make it in, you'll be proud and full of pride and that no regular Joe Shmoe can enter it. It separates you from the rest and makes you an 'Elite'. You've made sacrifices.
You want good scores, and you want to be surrounded by group of elites such as yourself.

Now, instead of being that book worm, you are now a hardcore gamer who wants to be an elite in a virtual world. There's nothing wrong with it. You work hard to stay ahead of the game, grinding, questing, raiding whatever it is you're doing, you want to be one of the best. You want the best equipment, and you want to be in the best guild.

I am the latter. I play hardcore but that doesn't mean I'm a no-life who doesn't work and is smooching off his parent's money. I've had so many "hate" tells from people asking me dumb questions and making stupid remarks about my level. Why is that? It's because people are haters and they are jealous about things they cannot accomplish. People call someone with high grades, a bookworm, nerd etc.. so the hating never stops and it's everywhere.

Now back to the main focus. This 2x exp weekend is indeed a slap on the face to the hardcore gamer. If Harvard had a 10 multiple choice question for their entrance exam instead of requiring high academic gpa, then can you imagine how many people would have felt cheated? Those who spent countless hours WORKING for their score? If your company decides that your former position's salary has increased by 10% wouldn't you feel cheated? If your track team requires a time of 5:00 minutes instead of 10:00 to be recruited, wouldn't you as a member feel cheated or that the effort you've made was for naught?

SiGiL could've gone without doing this. NOONE would've been angry and NOONE would've felt cheated. This will increase the already burning flames set by the Quest EXP increase. They do nothing but upset the people who've worked hard to achieve where they are now. This being the people who were probably testing their game and sending in feedback. These the people who were being shafted by having no end game content and encountering numerous bugs so that the game can be made more enjoyable for those to come. Did you guys not know that the people who make things happen are actually these hardcore players? They enter a zone to find out 1000 mobs run through walls to kill you. Feedback gets sent in and the patches are made so that you, the casual players, can enjoy it when you reach the point. What do hardcore players get for it? Nothing, we move on to the next zone because by the time things get's fixxed, we're already beyond the point.

This 2x exp is pushing more of you guys to the end game content. Which at the moment is totally lacking. GG Sigil, you've just PO'd the those who were faithful and followed your development from 3 years ago. You now cater to those who cannot take the grind. You wanna be the best.. you work for it. But now it's being spoon-fed. If you don't think a weekend of 2x exp will cause a lot of damage, you don't know what you're talking about. How many of you will play normally this weekend? Many will cancel lunches, dates whatever it is, just so they can level. The minute they set aside whatever it is they value in their real life to play a game, they have just entered the mindset of a hardcore gamer. So don't be a bigot and call others having no life when they did what you will be doing this weekend. You either admit it or you don't.

For those of you that want to enjoy the game and go flower picking with your friends in different areas of the world, more power to you. For those of us who enjoy our game by beating mobs to death and pushing the limits of our ability and the challenges that the developers have to offer, that's our entertainment. We value "fun" in different ways. Grinding isn't fun, no. But being level 50 to take down that level 50 raid mob is.

Ah, Vanguard

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 11:25:58 GMT

Well, I was this close to snarking about the age-old argument against soloing in an MMORPG, but tonight, alas, I broke one of my cardinal rules that I just made up right now. That is: never open your mouth when people start whining in global chat channels. I'm sorry. I will have to do penance and sacrifice to the experience god of MMORPG Death. But I saw this:

And I knew The Whining was about to commence.

Oh noz! You mean Sigil is making a change to content you've already experienced and you won't get extra for doing it early because you're somehow entitled? HOW DARE YOU, SIGIL.

More people throw in their two cents of whine:

By this time, I'd opened my mouth. Yes, I know. But it was late. And I was tired. And it was FUN.

A lone voice of reason spoke out.

His name made me think of moogles, and I could hear a thousand voices of broken immersion cry out at once, and then be suddenly silenced. For this, I instantly loved him and forgave him all past and future sins he may or may not commit.

It is absurd because...I say so. No, really, this guy gave no other reason. He also was soon to become my bestest buddy, but more on that later.

I responded with logic, because they always hate that, and my bestest buddy accused me of being a strawman. yes. Being. Then he accused me of being a fanboi. Then he called me a guy (HEY now). Then he actually got the terminology sorta right and accused me of MAKING strawmen instead. Which is funny, 'cause I guess that means he saw how stupid his own arguments were when I repeated them back to him, because that's all I was doing. Sometimes word for word.

Ahhhhhhhhh. I knew. I KNEW that the glass-under-nails crowd would show up eventually. This made me happy. Also, my bestest buddy accuses Sigil of giving out a bonus experience weekend as a cheap marketing ploy to retain subscriptions. My bestest buddy is very smart. I will call him Captain Obvious.

Unfortunately, since my bestest buddy was still sputtering argumentum ad hominem rather than debating any actual point I was making, I kinda sorta ignored him completely for the time being, and focused on the debate with glass-under-nails person.

Now, his/her argument was simple. One. Sigil clearly marketed the game to the glass-under-nails crowd, and by upping the experience one iota, they were betraying all they stood for and likely causing global warming (I don't exactly remember having to enjoy glass shoved under my fingernails as being part of the system requirements on the box, but there you go. I probably missed it in the fine print). Two, it was a slap in the face to all glass-under-nails-people everywhere. And three, and most important, he/she would not be able to be on this weekend to enjoy said bonus experience, therefore allowing complete and utter strangers to get an edge on him/her that they otherwise would not have had, because they CAN play over the weekend.

I stated that I felt this was silly.

...

...

Yes, yes, I know. Playing a game just to enjoy it is apparently a dying art, and it is SO much better to get red faced and indignant and behave as though the game's developers have personally and intentionally insulted you because they thought they were giving you a treat. My bad. Sorry.

Having seen the light, I thought I would ask a gentle favor of my new friends, seeing as my video card is dying and there is no way I'm likely to be able to play anything more graphically intensive than solitaire by the time the weekend rolls around:

I knew they would agree. They were my best buddies now. They wouldn't want to get any more experience than I would, because they would never want to ruin my entire game forever and ever.

It is irrelevant because...I SAY SO DAMMIT. Also, I hadn't mentioned it before, but I suspect that Captain Obvious can also see the future, so it's a forgivable mix-up.

I quickly corrected my friend that I could, in fact, change it, with the power of my MIND. Which, idly, I was also using to get Sigil to send me a blank check, change the names of certain players' characters to Weeniebob and Frufrufrufru, and give my wolf a FREAKING TAIL. So actually, I was responsible for giving us all a bonus experience weekend. Sorry. Satan made me do it.

Finally, it came down to just me and the glass-under-nails fan, and I had to ask him/her, point blank, why he/she was so bothered by players he/she didn't know and didn't group with getting ahead of him/her in experience and levels.

His/her response simply ended the argument.

He/she just was.

Well, that's it, isn't it? Can't very well argue with that kind of logic, can I? So, after a bit, the conversation turned to sound cards, and Captain Obvious and Glass-under-nails faded away, likely remarking to each other about what a wonderful person I was and how they would not, in fact, find out where I lived so they could add me to their hitlist.

Twas a wonderful night.

Immersion

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 22:42:22 GMT

immerse/immersion

verb
1. thrust or throw into; "Immerse yourself in hot water"
2. engross (oneself) fully; "He immersed himself into his studies" [syn: steep]
3. enclose or envelop completely, as if by swallowing; "The huge waves swallowed the small boat and it sank shortly thereafter"
4. cause to be immersed; "The professor plunged his students into the study of the Italian text" [syn: plunge]

Once upon a time, when you were a child, you picked up a branch and believed it was a sword. You used that 'sword' to slay the 'dragon' (actually, your neighbor's bush), and all the citizens of the kingdom (your stuffed animals) rejoiced.

This, my dearest friends, is a little thing we call imagination. It's generally considered to be a rather important component in good roleplaying and immersion. In fact, you might just say immersion in any game, roleplay or otherwise, requires it.

Now, I want you to think back to that happy time of yesteryear. Did the little twiggy things you had to break off of the branch destroy the illusion of it being a dragon-slaying sword? Did the fact that it was not quite straight, had a little whippy end, and probably broke with all your swinging it around completely destroy your game forever and ever?

Did the fact that the bush had more branches than a dragon could ever hope to have limbs distract you? Did the lack of actual fiery breath prevent you from staggering back from the dragon's vicious attack?

Tell me...did God ruin your immersion by not making a perfect sword-shaped branch and dragon-featured bush?

So...what the hell happened?

I've got a newsflash for you, you precious little darlings. You are sitting at a computer, typing on a keyboard, and moving your character with arrow keys and the mouse. You're inside somewhere, in an apartment, or a house, or a basement, or some box down by the river, but where you are most definitely NOT is actually inside a dungeon, battling horrors for the good of all mankind (elfkind, dwarfkind, munchkinkind, etc.). I'm going to give you a very big benefit of the doubt and assume you are using at least SOME of your emaciated, dwindled imagination to hold on to that magical, ethereal thing called Immersion.

Ah! But lo. Along comes some guy with a cute little floaty name above his head, and rather than it reading Yaggle the Strong or Veeveevee the Magic, it reads...Hotdog McKetchup.

OH NOZ. Like the most fragile, priceless crystal, your Immersion is shattered into a million pieces, never to be replaced or recovered. Suddenly, you remember that you are playing a game, sitting at a computer, typing on a keyboard, and drooling at a screen. Your dreams have been shattered, your enjoyment of the game utterly ruined, and there is one thing and one thing only that you can do in response.

You can go to the message boards and whine about it. Hotdog McKetchup RUINED YOUR IMMERSION. WHAT IS THIS GAME COMING TO? Game mods, you are clearly not doing your job and clearly, you do not care about the poor, poor roleplayers who only want to drown themselves in a sea of oblivious fantasy bliss. HOW DARE YOU not cater your every element of the game to my whim, developers? HOW DARE YOU give me a quest that has a plot, and might not match up with my character, and therefore must be railroading me into something I do not want to do and lo! I know you only do this to piss me off! How dare you make lore decisions that I, personally, do not agree with, even though you are the ultimate judges of canon seeing as you, I don't know, INVENTED THE STUFF.

I hate this complaint. I hate it. I hate it with the hate of a thousand fiery, whining, non-immersed suns of hate, and do you want to know why? I'll tell you why. This is why:

Broken immersion is another term for imagination deficiency.

Oh yes. I went there. No one BROKE your immersion, junior. Not the game developers, not the GMs, not the little dorks who think Hotdog McKetchup is the best name evar. All that happened was you suddenly reached your imagination threshold, and it all came tumbling down because you are incapable of ignoring (omigosh!) things that do not fit into your particular palette of gameplay.

Here's something to make you sad: No game, ever, EVER, is going to completely and utterly immerse you perfectly to your absolute liking, ESPECIALLY not an ONLINE game. You know, with OTHER PLAYERS. That DON'T THINK LIKE YOU DO. This is not even a crime against humanity. When you go whinging on the message boards, you make me embarassed to share the title of 'roleplayer' with you. When you scream and whine and bitch about people using the OOC channel to *SHOCK* talk OOCly to each other, you make me laugh and contemplate the destruction of humanity.

You can filter out chat channels. You can even, (wait for it) TURN THE DAMNED NAMES OFF. Your character isn't seeing floaty names above everyone's head, so why is seeing Hotdog McKetchup suddenly more jarring than seeing Wizadulfu Fieryhands?

Stop bitching about quests with actual plot, rather than the 'go here, kill x amount of x' errands. If you find having to make choices that your character wouldn't make because the devs can't read your mind so amazingly offensive, DON'T DO THOSE QUESTS. Some of us LIKE quests with a little meat to them, thankyouverymuch, and some of us take quests with responses our characters wouldn't make, and simply PRETEND WE DID SOMETHING ELSE. I know. I know. It's horrible. It's hard to use that imagination after all this time, isn't it?

-- As an aside, I am not a bad roleplayer simply because I don't subscribe to the 'please dig pieces of broken glass under my fingernails' style of gameplay. If something is so tedious, so repetitive, so utterly painful that I would rather eat three week old moldy hamburgers with Jack Thompson and the entire Animal Liberation Front FOR FIVE HOURS than do it...then it's not to my style, and it has nothing to do with whether I'm a roleplayer or not. You enjoy that? Go buck. Leave me alone.

I'm tired of seeing arguments about other people 'breaking your immersion'. It's like seeing some guy with an ugly haircut and claiming that guy ruined your entire day by existing. Seriously. Get over yourselves. Report the names like Myboobssobig, report the stupid gold tell spammers, and try what the rest of us over here are doing...

We're actually enjoying the game.

Just want to make it clear...

Sat, 24 Feb 2007 01:11:29 GMT

I am not a wombat.

Snore

Wed, 06 Dec 2006 15:09:53 GMT

I have now been up over 24 hours without a wink of sleep. The night before last I got about three hours. I have class in twenty minutes, in which I must give an oral presentation. Hardy har harr. Oh yeah, and I'm supposed to meet my group at the library around 11. Who thinks I'm going to make it that long? Anyone?

Bueller?

Dear Roommate

Sun, 03 Dec 2006 09:50:42 GMT

When you come home after a party, drunk, with two loud, drunk guys, and you find the lights are all off and your semi-sane roommate who has classes at 7:30 in the damned morning is CLEARLY asleep, the polite thing to do is to NOT proceed to turn all the lights on, break out the beers, turn on the television to blaring, talk really loud, try to get your guy friends more drunk, and light up cigarettes while simultaneously opening the window when the weather is FREEZING because you're not supposed to be smoking in here and you don't want to set off the alarm.

When you do these things, I tend to want to cause you grievous harm. I do not get nearly enough sleep as it is, when I'm actually sleeping DO NOT WAKE ME UP AND THEN PROCEED, ONCE NOTICING THAT I WAS ASLEEP, TO COMPLETELY IGNORE THIS VERY IMPORTANT POINT. You have a laptop and earphones to watch DVDs on. You have other places to hang out with drunk friends in the middle of the night. Polite people understand that not everyone keeps the same hours, and most people don't enjoy being woken up at stupid hours all the time because you happen to have the schedule to allow you to sleep in 'til noon.

Oh yeah. And your damned drunk guy friends are not allowed to surf on my computer. Especially not while drinking beer. MY COMPUTER. NO TOUCHY.

Crikey

Tue, 05 Sep 2006 20:53:45 GMT

*salute*

Rest in peace, Steve Irwin, you crazy fucker.

Yet another reason why I love Oblivion

Sat, 02 Sep 2006 06:21:21 GMT

Merchant: So, dude, these thieves keep breaking into my shop. I've got really valuable stuff in here. Help me out!

My character who is a thief with very little cash: Sure.

Merchant: Cool. I'm just going to go away, and leave you alone in here with all my valuables and no witnesses at all. Does that work for you?

My character who is a thief with very little cash: Oh very much so, very much so.

Merchant: Toodles! *leaves*

My character: Meheheheh.

A Letter to Roleplayers

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 08:09:58 GMT

Dear very specific roleplayers,

I say this with the utmost respect, sincerity, and heart-felt feeling...

Fuck you.

No, seriously, Fuck You. I'm tired of your immaturity, your 'woe is me' victim mentality, your Montana-sized egos, your whining, bitching, and backbiting, your insistance that everyone else is elitist and that you alone know the One True Way of Roleplaying. Most of all I am sick and fucking tired of you trying to dictate how, when, where and with whom I should spend MY free time. Yes, that's right MY TIME. MY ROLEPLAY. I am not here to please you, I do not exist to serve your whims, I do not log on to stroke your e-penis, I do not spend my days pining away at how I might best meet your every desire. Even if these were my goals in life, I wouldn't be able to fullfill them because I cannot read your fucking minds through the fucking computer screen, assholes.

If you want to RP with me, why the hell do you never say anything? If you want to RP with me, why, when I offer you a billion and one ways to get involved in RP, do you ignore each and every single one or pawn them off by making up excuses for why your character would not get involved, even when I offer to have polka-dot giant rabid chihuahuas come and physically haul your characters into the scene? If you want to RP with me, why, when you do actually say something, do you do nothing but bitch about my character, my RP, my scenes, my plotlines, my political affiliations, and my choice of wardrobe? Call me crazy, but this sends the signal that you are NOT INTERESTED in RPing with me.

But no, no, when I RP with the folks who DO want to RP, who ARE interested, who are actually mature, non-bitching, non-control freak adults (read: unlike YOU) we are a clique and the devil incarnate come to earth to spoil all roleplay forever and ever and ever amen.

GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELVES. You know what you are? You are grown-up little children pissing in the sandbox and arguing over who gets to be the princess in the castle. You are playing a game, OMG yes, a GAME, of make believe. Except you aren't playing, you're standing to one side sticking your noses up at each other and throwing shit at the kids who actually figured out that it's more fun to enjoy themselves than to stand around and pick at what everyone else is doing. You are the little turds who sneer and whine and complain and stomp their feet and are NEVER EVER HAPPY. Ever. The world could revolve around you, the entire RP plot could be in your hands, everyone could be snapping to your every command, and you would still complain.

I'm tired of trying to appease you. I'm tired of spending time that should be fun and enjoyable dealing with your drama. I'm tired of your inability to seperate fiction from real life, to draw the line between OOC and IC. I'm tired of your phobia of anything going bad in your perfect universe. If that's how you want to play, fine, but I don't have to play that way, and you don't have any right to jump in my face and scream about how I'm ruining your RP. Oh, yeah, and there's this little thing called consequences...if you're afraid of bad things happening, why in the fuck do you leap with both feet into situations you KNOW bad things are going to happen in? I refuse to believe you are that brain dead. I suspect you're just looking for a reason to flip out.

I'm tired of your insistence that your way is the only right way. No one appointed you Roleplay Emperor for Life. No one gave you the Crown of Always Right. No one gives a fuck. Go look up the word 'fun' in the dictionary. I guarantee you won't find the phrase 'stick up your ass' in there. So why is yours lodged so firmly?

Blindsided

Sat, 22 Jul 2006 06:56:26 GMT

I got hurt today. Of all things, it was from the 'net...and I'd thought I'd shielded myself pretty well from that type of stuff, given all the drama I've run into face first online. And given the source, I thought for damned sure I wouldn't get more than irritated at anything they said.

But this got under and past everything. Kind of like a papercut, where it stings a little, and then you don't feel the real sting until later, until you've sat back and let it sink in some. I'm not entirely sure why it stung so much, but it's still hurting. Maybe because before, when this happened, the source was just another name with words attached. A person, of course, but not one I'd ever put a face and voice to. And now I've met this person face to face, and I'm pretty sure we'd never be more than tense acquaintances, there's something to be said, at least for me, when it comes to having met someone away from the computer. I'm a little more vulnerable to words on a screen.

Unfortunately, as it turns out, I HAVE screwed up. I had another talk with someone whom I also met, whom I greatly respect, who had the same complaint. Worded much more tactfully, of course, but the same.

You're not reading this, but I have to say again...I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

Whinging

Fri, 26 May 2006 06:03:34 GMT

I hate this job. I mean, I really, really, really hate this job. Now, normally, when I hate something, I can put my finger exactly on it and go 'there. That's why.' With this one I can't. I can pull up all sorts of factors as to what irks me, but I can't figure why the very thought of going into work fills me with loathing. And I'm exhausted. I don't know if this is because of the stuff I expected to run into on going into a public place, every single day, and interacting with people every single day, or what, but it's a fight not to do a walk-out on this place and commit career suicide (Y'know, again.) I desperately want something I can do at home, but the likelihood of my finding a legitimate telecommute job is about as high as my winning the lottery. When I don't ever buy tickets.

In the meantime, I want out. Just about any other job sounds more appealing, even fast food places.

And in other news, the internet is indeed SERIOUS BUSINESS. Please, please, please, person, relax! You're about to pop. On the one hand, I'd be very sorry to see you go, but on the other...I mean, come on. This is a game, not a job. There is no RP event attendance quota, and no, there shouldn't be. The guild is not going to hell in a newbie-handbasket. The leader and officers are not out to get you, we are not inviting people at random and sheerly to get numbers, most of our members DO read the forums, RP events are not going ignored, and frankly, frankly? You don't have any say-so over how my or any other character that is NOT yours behaves. Yes ma'am, my character has a lot of secrets, and she clings to them like mad. Why is this bad, exactly? Since when have you known someone to come out immediately and tell someone else every intimate detail of their life and every little thing that is bothering them and be completely, utterly honest about what and how they feel? People don't generally work like that. You say I offer something in one hand and block with the other. That's called a character hook. If you're interested, pursue it. If you're not, leave it alone, it won't hurt my widdle feelings. And when my character actually DOES start telling some of this stuff, why do you again freak out? Do you want her to tell or don't you? Make up your damned mind, please.

Oh, and people don't ICly like your character? You purposefully make her brash and somewhat alien. That's off-putting. You know that. You play on that. I don't expect people to like my character, as she's off-putting in other ways. Your expecting people to ICly like your character, when you go out of your way to make her very hard to be likeable ICly, on purpose, and recognize this, makes NO FUCKING SENSE. And then to claim it's an OOC thing bleeding into IC? What the hell? The only problem anyone ever has with you OOCly is when you go into Heinous Bitch Mode(tm) and jump down their damned throats for every possible, percieved slight you can come up with. You LOOK for things to get pissed over. You grab onto the slightest, slightest possible thing that could be construed into being negative toward you and never ever ever let it go.

Y'know what? I've learned internet speak. When someone says they and a mysterious but un-named group of people feel strongly about something, it's usually almost always just that one person. When someone says 'other people that I won't ever name think that you *insert problem here*', I suspect you're just being spineless. Especially when the accusations are so stupidly off the wall as to have only come from someone looking desperately for some way to turn something someone else is doing into a bad thing. Because you're the person I see consistently doing that, and no one else.

Here's a clue. It's free. Enjoy. When you are constantly having these kinds of problems with every single guild or group of people you join, over and over and over again, something is obviously not working. And the only common denominator in all of these groups is you. You can leave the guild and this will still happen. Nothing is going to change for you until you acknowledge that this is mostly a problem that you create yourself.

I'm sorry. I like you. I love your character. You bring a lot to the guild. But you need to get a grip and cut the fucking drama.

Haha.

Sat, 13 May 2006 01:32:43 GMT

This is the best Oblivion video ever. It is also a demonstration of how very, very, very effectively you can waste your time.

Teh Dramaz

Fri, 12 May 2006 07:03:43 GMT

Dear person I have not addressed before,

When I of all people think you need to TONE THE IC DRAMA THE FUCK DOWN, you have a problem. No. Seriously. It's really okay to let your character go a day, go a few hours without some new, major, life-changing catastrophe happening. Believe it or not, there IS RP, in fact, plenty of angst, in dealing with the catastrophe's after-effects. You can *shock* let your character NOT wangst now and then. When you continuously add horrible thing after horrible thing after horrible thing, you are simply wanking for attention. And it's annoying.

P.S. 'lol' does not qualify as proper end of sentence punctuation.

Sapphire the Stoat, revisited

Sat, 06 May 2006 09:27:03 GMT

No, actually, I just wanted to show this log to someone and wayback wasn't cooperating. All credit goes to Ben, and the mysterious Sapphire the Stoat.

Log Start
Sapphire room-pages, "hey you!".

( Hello. I am yelling to get your attention. )

You room-page, "Meep?"

( Who the hell are you? )

You room-page, "Hey me, indeed. c.c;"

( No.. really. Who the hell are you? c.c;; )

Setting status: In Character. (IC )

( Maybe she wants to RP. )

Sapphire room-pages, "yeah you you lumberhead".

( Lumberhead? o.o; )

Sapphire
Sapphire is a tough looking stoat, her midnight black fur giving her the
appearance that she's not visible. Set upon her scarred features are bright
blue eyes, speckled with a darker shade, that are almost always searching
what's around her. Standing out on her black fur is a royal blue cape,
silken, that is usually fluttering behind her dark brown tunic, the sleeves
cut roughly to a crop. Around her middle is a black, faded leather belt,
bearing a sheath that carries her bright silver sword, sapphire pommel stone
set onto the hilt, and upon the steel are old rune writings.
Species: Stoat
Gender: Female
Age: 11 Seasons

( Uh oh. Her description contains pointy objects and shiny jewels. I hope
she's not a ten year old. )

You room-page, "Lumberhead? c.c;"

( What manner of insult is this? I'll play it off. )

Sapphire room-pages, "yes you nut chucker".

( Whoa. A little.. explicit? Oh.. wait. I get it now. Haha. )

You room-page, "Uhhh. c.c;"

( I'm confused. )

You room-page, "Yeah. Okay, then. c.c;"

( You can leave me alone now. )

Setting status: Out Of Character. (OOC )

( I don't think I want to RP with this person. 'status SOOC' )

Sapphire room-pages, "aren't you, Cassite the squirrel?".

( Oh god. Has she been IC this whole time? )

You room-page, "Why yes I am. Aren't you Sapphire the stoat?"

( Let's test this theory. Shifting to noob speak. )

Sapphire room-pages, "Yes I've been waiting for this for a long time.".

( Oh god. She has been. )

You room-page, "waiting for what"

( Let's just make sure... )

Sapphire jumps up and throws blade at Cassite

( Whoa! We graduated to normal poses? Fine by me. I'm still OOC, after
all. )

Cassite bats it away with his mind

( Damn. I rule. )

Sapphire and says "that

( That? That what? ... Oh. I see. You've been waiting to do..... that. Right.
)

Sapphire and Saphire catches her sword moving around Cassite

( Wait. She threw a /sword/ at me? I was expecting a dagger. Hmn. )

Cassite throws his dagger!1!

( Squee. Daggers throw better when followed by an exclamation point and a
1. )

Sapphire and ducks under the blade only getting her cape torn.

( Whoo. She's good. )

You page, "D00d. The noob. Save me. XD" to Pax.

( Rescue me! )

You hear a the growl of a pitbull, and Pax appears before you and says,
"Looks like you're doing a pretty good job of battling it off to me." (to
you )

Cassite tackles sapphire the stoat to the ground

( Yeah! Take that, sapphire the stoat! )

Sapphire and says "you know I was going to teach you some techniques, but i
guees you don't want any"

( Um. Damn. I guess I'm missing out. )

Sapphire Turns and cuts Cassite's arm.

( Oh no! )

Cassite bleeds!!

( The pain! )

Sapphire heads off.

( ... oh. Looks like she... uh. Portalled out. c.c; )

Sapphire has left.

( Well. Guess I'm rid of her... )

**** The unexpected second half! ****

As I sat converting this into livejournal form... she returned!

**** ****

Sapphire has arrived.

( !? )

Sapphire room-pages, "Cassite it's me Sapphire, but please don't fight with
me.".

( It's only been 5 minutes since you left. Meh. )

You room-page, "why not"

( Noob speak powers, activate! )

Sapphire room-pages, "because i just wanted you to learn some techniques
from me or meet some of my good friends.".

( Hey, she never mentioned good friends. I guess I was at fault. Nah. )

You room-page, "then why did you stab me? I'm bleeding"

( Blood, yo. )

Sapphire room-pages, "because you threatened to kill me, I had to defend
myself, and you've got to learn to block stabbings.".

( Oh. Makes sense. )

Sapphire room-pages, "pleease".

( Thank yoooou? )

You room-page, "I didn't threaten to kill you.. you threw your sword at me"

( It's true. Sword. Not even dagger. )

Sapphire room-pages, "oh, well i wanted to see how good you were already.".

( By throwing a sword at me!? )

You room-page, "but what if you hit me in the head? I dont want to die abit
yet"

( Abitabit! )

Sapphire room-pages, "Im sorry.".

( You should be. )

You room page-pose, "Cassite throws a deeper'n'ever pie"

( Never see these around.. )

Sapphire room-pages, "nooo give me a chance, I'll take back what I said
about you being a nut chucker and all, I have kids at home.".

( Ph34r my pie. )

You room-page, "ill kill them"

( Eeeevil! )

Sapphire room-pages, "no, please, I'll do anything if you just leave my
family out of this!".

( Hurr. I feel so evil. )

You room-page, "no im going to kill them anyway!"

( Fufufufu. )

Sapphire room-pages, "Then im sorry, I ever cut you. Goodbye".

( She's fickle, isn't she? )

You room-page, "Im going to kick you in the face first"

( Ooh rah! )

Cassite kicks!!!!

( Eloquently. )

Sapphire stabs through Cassite's heartportal

( My.. what? )

Sapphire heads off.
Sapphire has left.

Cassite cltuches his heartportal

( A heartportal is a valuable thing. - Kimpers )

>> Pawsing to save changed objects. <<

( Well. Looks like she's gone. Back to LiveJournal. )

>> Save complete. Next save will be in aprox. four hours. <<

Sapphire pages, "Why would you do such a thing to an innocent, anyways I
adopted my kid, hes a squirrel." to you.

( Whoa! I hate it when the pause sabotages me with noob ranting. )

You page, "im going to eat him. im a cannibal!!" to Sapphire.

( Just like a tivalt! )

You sense that Sapphire is looking for you in Portals to the World.

( What horrible post was just consumed, I can only guess. )

You page, "i sense that youre looking for me!!!" to Sapphire.
You page, "you shouldnt call me a nutchucker" to Sapphire.

( Really. It's just a bad insult. Dude. )

Sapphire pages, "well at least you can't get me at the Black Gull Tavern, or
my family." to you.

( Hm. She's right. I wouldn't go there. But... )

You page, "i own a membership card there!!!! i now where you live now im
coming to get you" to Sapphire.

( Phear my Black Gull Membership card, bitch! )

Sapphire pages, "what would your friend Renstha, a weasel say about you
killing me, shes my sister." to you.

( Wha? c.c; I don't care. )

You page, "shell dance on your grave. She told me your a liar" to Sapphire.

( I did a shell dance once. Very sexy. )

You page, "why are you such a mean beast" to Sapphire.

( Guilt trip the noob! )

Sapphire pages, "shes right next to me she says "I'll be dancing on your
grave, and I never said Sapphire was a liar." to you.

( Talk about a slow response. )

You page, "well im still going to kill her family!! even you" to Sapphire.

( And that's a fact! )

Sapphire pages, "No the question is why are you, I just cut you to teach you
techniques and you try to kill me." to you.

( You know, that almost makes sense in a noobish sort of way. )

You page, "ill get my boyfriends to beat you up next time theyll farm you
and potion you to death!!!!" to Sapphire.

( Originally, 'Danny farmz u 2 deth!!!!!1111' )

( Long pause. Uh oh. Did I scare her off? That's no fun. )

You page, "its true" to Sapphire.

( Well, it is. Danny would farm them to death with a pitch fork or
something, and Keithe could potion them to death. With... well, you get the
idea.. and I think Random could flirt her to death, but... )

You page, "im going to tell the black gull to kick your family out to the
street okay, goodbyeportal" to Sapphire.

( Yeah! Kick you out to the street! )

Sapphire pages, "will you track me down till you find ?" to you.

( Whoa! She's alive! XD )

You page, "i will find you" to Sapphire.

( No matter what. )

You sense that Sapphire is looking for you in Portals to the World.

( I think I have a good sense of ESP. )

You page, "what did you just say?? I didnt get it" to Sapphire.

( I haven't actually 'gotten' much of what she said. What the heck is a
lumberhead? )

Sapphire pages, "how can you see into my eyes like open doors? leading you
down into my core where i've become so numb." to you.

( ... )

Sapphire pages, "without a soul my spirits sleeping somewhere cold until you
find it there and lead it back home." to you.

( Alright, now she's just quoting overplayed music at me. Dern it. )

You page, "i kidnapped one of your kids" to Sapphire.
You page, "if you want to see him again meet me at noon" to Sapphire.
Sapphire pages, "wake me up. wake me up inside." to you.

( I'm not your damn alarm clock. )

You sense that Sapphire is looking for you in Portals to the World.

( Noob senses... tingling... )

You sense that Sapphire is looking for you in Portals to the World.

( Agh! )

You page, "i do not understand" to Sapphire.
You page, "i am going to eat your kid at noon unless you teach me
techniques" to Sapphire.

( I must know the n00b succession technique! I am yours to teach,
Sapphire-sensei! )

Sapphire arrives from the Abbey Kitchen..
Sapphire has arrived.

( Mm. Bacon tastes good at 10:06 AM. )

Sapphire room-pages, "ok im here".

( Oh. Joy. )

You room-page, "its too late"
You room-page, "i was hungry!"

( Bwahahahaha. )

Sapphire room-pages, "its not even noon".

( Hm. She's got me there. )

You room-page, "i lied hes okay.. teach me techniqe"

( ... Mmm. Tech Nikes. )

Sapphire room-pages, "what do you want to learn about first".

( Hmmmm.. )

You room-page, "i want to know the succession technique!!!!"

( Obviously. c.c )

Sapphire room-pages, "ok first whenever some hits you, you have to be aware, you must know how to block them.".

( Okay. So we need to block. Block what? )

Sapphire room-pages, "so you have to try to keep your arms up ready to whack".

( Ready to.. ... There are so many dirty things I could say. I just won't. )

You room-page, "I see.. thanks. you can have your kid back im sorry"
You room-page, "i just wanted to learn"

( I've reformed my ways... leaves me all warm and cozy. )

Sapphire room-pages, "its ok i know how you feel, im sorry too.".

( Yes. Yes, you are. )

You room-page, "okay well i need to go"

( Yeah. I should sleep. )

You enter the Library..

Sapphire arrives from the Great Hall..
Sapphire has arrived.

( ACK! )

Sapphire room-pages, "I have one more thing to say.".

( Please, no. )

You room-page, "What"
Sapphire room-pages, "Will you be my friend?".

( ... )

You room-page, "No.. you tried to attack me :( maybe after awhile when i trust you"

( Piss off and leave me alone. <.< )

Sapphire room-pages, "well I'll see you again sometime. Bye".

( I hope not. )

You room-page, "goodbye sapphire the stoat"
Log End